Dumbledore's Ultimate Plan for the Greater Good
by Greensword101
Summary: Lily and James Potter survived the night Voldemort was vanquished, but Albus has some plans he wants to discuss with them... Mocking of the evil!Dumbledore cliche.
1. The Parents That Said No

**Disclaimer** : Did Dumbledore have any good reasons to place Harry into the Dursleys' home aside from Lily's sacrificial protection? If so, all rights to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. If not, then the rights still belong to them and I don't want a lawsuit….

* * *

"So, this is the plan that I have in mind." Dumbledore said. "Harry is going to be sent to the Dursleys and will live there for the next several years, a complete stranger in the Muggle world. If my calculations are correct, the Blood Ward should keep him safe until he's 17. He will rejoin the Wizarding World when he gets his acceptance letter at Hogwarts, so you can look forward to seeing him ten years from now."

Lily and James Potter looked at him with blank faces, Dumbledore assumed that they were simply processing his clever plan. He may not be a parent, but it wasn't easy for one to give up their child after all. The tea that Lily was holding started tilting until brown liquid began dripping onto the table. A small baby began whining a little, the bottle in James' hand forgotten. With Voldemort vanquished, or so it seemed, by some force that came from Harry that everyone in the know was still trying to make heads or tails out of, Dumbledore thought he had the perfect solution to the problem.

If only Lily and James could see it that way...

"I understand your reluctance to do so." Dumbledore said in a sympathetic tone, it did pain him to separate the family and put a child in that kind of environment. If things were different, then his heart wouldn't be that heavy. "But please know that this is for the Greater Good and if the Dark Lord is still alive, we need the Chosen One to be ready for him when he returns."

"Absolutely not." James said quickly, but firmly.

"Thank you for agreeing with this plan, James, I know I will not let you – could you please repeat that?"

"I said no." James repeated slowly. He held the bundle in his arms more tightly as if it would slip away into thin air. Lily looked at Dumbledore with an expression of bewilderment.

"You must understand." Dumbledore pleaded. He looked to Lily, becoming intimidated by James' glare and hoping she would be more reasonable. "Harry is not safe with you, he has to go with your sister. He must grow up away from all the fame and attention that he will receive."

"How is _this_ ," Lily gestured to their new and undamaged home in Ottery St. Catchpole, "not safe?! Peter isn't the Secret Keeper, no one knows what happened on Halloween except for us and Sirius, and what the bloody hell is a blood ward?"

The look on her face was etched with confusion; from Dumbledore's sudden appearance and insistence that Harry be sent away, to the suggestion that the Wizarding World somehow knew that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was vanquished by an infant when the only people who knew this fact were in the room at the moment, and to the mention of a 'Blood Ward.'

"The protection you cast against Voldemort" – James shuddered at the name – "means that Harry will be safe from the Dark Lord as long as he remains with someone who shares the same blood as you."

"Albus…" Lily started slowly. "There are several things wrong with what you just said. First and most importantly, _there is no such thing as a Blood Ward!_ Yes, there is blood protection, but a ward implies barrier. As in, something that doesn't move. Which means Harry wouldn't be safe outside of Petunia's home – or inside, for all I know. The only blood magic I heard of requires _my death_ for the spell to work! A substitute. Someone else to fall in another's place. That is how blood protection works.

"Which brings me to my second point of why I would send my only son to live with my sister. She _hates_ me and I think she would hate little Harry too."

"But she would take him in, regardless." Dumbledore insisted patiently, certain he could convince the two to part ways with the small baby mewling in James' arms, a small scar shaped like a lightning bolt on his forehead. James quickly started rocking his son back and forth slowly, humming what Dumbledore recognized as a Muggle lullaby. Slowly, the child quieted down and snored softly. James looked between his wife and Dumbledore before walking out of the living room, still humming the Muggle lullaby about purchasing a mockingbird in exchange for peace and quiet.

"Not if she knew I was alive, she wouldn't." Lily whispered, worried that she would wake Harry up with the noise. "That brings me to my third point –"

"Is this related to the Blood Ward?" Dumbledore sighed, feeling a little insulted that a twenty-year-old was claiming that something he knew for a long time didn't exist.

"Yes." Lily said dryly. "Since the blood protection – no, you old goat, there is no such thing as a Blood Ward – means that _I_ would have to die in order for Harry to be sent off to Petunia and her family, then there really is no point in Harry going there in the first place since I'm _clearly_ still alive and kicking. So…why?"

"Why?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Its for the Greater –"

" _Finish that sentence and I'll hex you!_ "

Dumbledore stopped himself, feeling the Elder Wand hidden in his robes, ready to be pulled out in a moment's notice. Lily hadn't drawn her wand yet and he did not want any violence occurring. He had to convince her and James to part with Harry somehow and it had just occurred to him that constantly using the phrase 'the Greater Good' wasn't a good explanation at all. In fact, it seemed to aggravate anyone who had the misfortune of hearing it more than once, as Severus had the decency to remind him shortly after becoming a turncoat to the Death Eaters.

He took a deep breath, willing himself to speak of the other reason for splitting up the family – what did Lily know of Blood magic? His own mother used a Blood Ward to keep his dear sister safe from the families of the Muggle boys who had traumatized her so – and spoke again.

"People are asking questions about Voldemort's demise." He began. "Rumors are being spread, some say that he was annihilated by his own Death Eaters out of sheer amusement. The truth will somehow get out, and when it does, Harry will be known to every witch and wizard before he even utters his first word –"

"Actually, Harry said his first word two months before his first birthday." Lily interjected. Dumbledore just stared. "He's almost a year and a half old, Albus, it's practically expected of children under most circumstances. That's what Papa told me, at least."

Her green eyes looked downward, Dumbledore didn't need Occulumency to know where her thoughts were lingering at the moment.

He continued in a gentler tone. "If Harry already knows how to talk, then he'll certainly know more things as he grows older –"

"Your point?" Lily crossed her arms.

"He'll certainly have an inflated ego –"

"What?!" Lily's voice sounded almost acidic, her eyes furrowed in anger.

"He needs to grow up away from the fame –"

"And you think James and I are unable to do that?!" Lily raised her voice for a moment before catching herself on the fourth word. There was movement in the next room, James' footsteps were surprisingly loud. "We're his parents and you think we'll just ship him off to Surrey just because you think we wouldn't do an adequate job of raising a well-mannered child?!"

"It's not as simple as it sounds, Lily. One only has to look at James to –"

"YOU NAMED HIM HEAD BOY SEVENTH YEAR!"

"I understand, but an old man can make a mistake or two." Dumbledore continued patiently, ignoring the crying that began anew in the next room.

" _I'm_ the one who can keep James in his place. _I'm_ the one who wouldn't go out with him until he cleaned up his act. And if you think I can't accomplish the same with my son, then you can go!"

Dumbledore sighed. "I understand."

It wasn't until he had stood up, walked out of the house and heard the door slam shut with a WHAM! that something clicked inside of him. That, and the appearance of his phoenix, Fawkes, in a burst of flames, signing as he did so.

 _I know that if things were different, the Dursleys would be the only option, but why did I bother coming here?!_ He thought with bewilderment. As the song continued, he recollected the fuzzy memories of his saying or thinking "For The Greater Good" were becoming ever fuzzier before he saw the illusion break.

A moment later, his mind became clearer, as if blood pressure had decreased dramatically.

 _A Blood Ward?!_ Dumbledore's face went red. _No wonder Lily thought I was crazy, where did that madness come from?!_

Right before he took ahold of Fawkes and vanished in a dazzling display of fire, Dumbledore pondered why he would constantly say the Greater Good in his mind.

A short distance away, a young woman with indescribable beauty watched behind bushes that clearly weren't there two minutes ago. She cursed herself for the failed attempt at drama, believing that the young infant who was being cooed over by his loving – and very much alive – parents had just lost his chance at being given incredible abilities.

So what if she bewitched the Dursleys so that they would do indescribable torture the moment they set their eyes on him? They were going to be killed within a few years by someone's stupidity. But it wouldn't be satisfying since there would be no justice. And that Harry would be taken in by someone thereafter, so it wasn't like he wouldn't know happiness. What mattered was that her hopes of creating a Wizard God forged from pain and misery and then being introduced to a beautiful girl who would compliment him in all ways that didn't make sense. Maybe a harem, if she was able to manipulate reality to her bidding. And no friends that were redheads, either. They clearly had no souls. Oh, oh, and unimaginable wealth and constant mentions of sex –

It never occurred to her that Dumbledore would suddenly appear in front of her and fire a Stunning Jinx. It also never occurred to her that he would look through her memories and see what other kind of damage she had caused.

It also, also never occurred to her that the sister of Lily Potter would be arrested for attempted infanticide the next morning after a phone call from a Mrs. Figg to the police occurred because she didn't place a charm to make the neighborhood completely oblivious to the horrendous torture she had hoped would occur to the baby named Harry for some illogical reason.

The parents of the child who was attacked by the mad woman refused to settle, especially since she seemed determined to use a knife on their black-haired baby and called him a freak. Years of therapy would soon follow afterwards.

Vernon Dursley was institutionalized two months later after attacking someone with black hair and glasses for no reason, constantly muttering how he was "ungrateful" even though the two never met before. Dudley Dursley was sent to live with his Aunt Marge, growing up to believe that both of his parents were psychos and that dogs were the absolute worst to live with.

And on the same street that the Potters were living on, Molly Weasley had quickly overcome the same Confundus Charm that had befallen Dumbledore, wondering why she had the strange urge to make love potions for a boy she never met and steal all of his money even if he would offer half of it with her family.

When young Percy Weasley found her in the bathroom later, he attributed it to morning sickness. Moly attributed it to absolute disgust over those weird impulses that had taken ahold of her mind for a few moments.

Before the day was over, the girl who had attempted to rewrite the universe by just "changing" a few people was being grilled by the Aurors over her actions. They deemed her a lunatic and had her Kissed.

And the girl thought that it was certainly _not_ kinky in her last moments.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** My original idea was to have Harry confront his parents ala 'alive but still abandoned their son' cliché, but then I realized that it was already cliché. _Princess of the Blacks_ does it (dark, but interesting tale by Silently Watches) and so do plenty of other fics. But no one ever seems to bother discussing one thing:

In the event that Lily and James (somehow) survived Halloween that tragic night, why would they give up their son when there was no insurance for his safety?

Or in the words of Kains from SAO: Abridged, Episode 6:

"WHYYYY?!"

It doesn't make sense because there would be no sacrificial magic that meant Harry _had_ to live with the Dursleys. So why would Dumbledore expect two parents who were willing to give up their lives for their baby to give up said baby just because he said so? And with a Blood Ward that never really existed in canon, believe me, I checked. The only thing I got was Lily's sacrificial magic part. No mention of a ward at all.

Silently Watches thought my original idea of having Dumbledore attack when attempting to plead with them failed wouldn't make much sense. He said that the old goat was a charmer, but I had no way of getting him to convince the Potters otherwise without saying "Because I said so."

And thus, my answer was that some random girl tried to alter the universe and failed because she was trying to bewitch the Greatest Sorcerer of the time. Along with several others, but I digress. Molly making love potions and putting them in food that Harry would eat makes as much sense as the rest of the Wizardry World does.

How Voldemort was destroyed isn't really important. After all, from the fics I read regarding this cliche, they never really seem to explain it that above is inspired by Silently Watches' style of disclaiming. The only thing he wouldn't let anyone imitate are his storylines, which I can never pull off yet. Check out his work.

In the writing world, I will see you!


	2. The Will That Was Never Made

**Author's Note:** Before I start, I just wanted to thank you all for the reviews and explain the ending. I personally don't like how evil!Dumbledore is written as a near-sighted and nonsensical person. That goes for anyone who is bashed. The girl at the end was the source of Dumbledore's odd insistence that Harry be sent away even though his parents were alive. A Confundus Charm cast not only at him, but several other people that the girl knew would be connected to Harry in the future someday.

She is meant to represent the strange plots that writers keep making for Harry Potter to go through. That includes abuse being taken up to an eleven, the Dursleys being killed while Harry is taken in by someone else, harems, and God!Sues.

Petunia and Vernon were also bewitched to act worse in canon than usual, and the spell worked too well. Petunia tried attacking some random baby that had the misfortune of looking a lot like her nephew. Mrs. Figg might have been sent to Privet Drive by Dumbledore ahead of time while he was Confunded.

It was meant to be ridiculus and I appreciate the criticism. My first thought was to delete the story and add it back once I got rid of the bad stuff, but then decided not to.

This chapter deals with "evil!Dumbledore putting Harry though hell just so he could get his money." Like my other fic, _Bad Idea_ , this looks like the beginning of a series. Let's see what happens. Hope you enjoy!

 **Disclaimer** : Did we ever learn how Gringotts Bank worked in the seven books it is mentioned and seen at times? If not, all rights to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore did his best to look solemn as he walked up the marble steps of Gringotts Bank. He never expected meeting with the goblins to discuss what he had intended so soon, but then again, he had overestimated Lily's blood protection. When confronting Voldemort in the guise of Professor Quirrell, it had never occurred to the old wizard that the protection of love _never_ actually activated.

Harry James Potter was declared dead, his neck broken from strangulation. If the Anti-Apparation Charm wasn't activated, then subduing and taking back the Stone would have been a much harder task to handle in Dumbledore's old age. Quirrell's role as host ended with Voldemort's spirit departing from him, his body blackening as whatever magic Voldemort used to keep both of them alive vanished.

He knew that there would be questions, people demanding why an eleven year-old – three of them, in fact – was dead in supposedly the safest school in Europe. Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger left for home at the term's end, their parents having to bring them back personally. Those who had vilified the Boy Who Lived for costing them the House Cup now whispered among themselves, asking if they were being too hard on him.

At the same time, Dumbledore knew that a door had been opened. If he was capable and willing to investigate the trail of breadcrumbs that Tom Riddle had left in his life before that Halloween night, then it would have been easier for Dumbledore to know that Harry hadn't needed go to the Dursleys in the first place.

The charm specifically stated that in order for the protection to be cast, that someone of the same blood as the one who cast it had to accept the one protected into their home. Of course, Dumbledore could have easily asked Petunia Dusley nee Evans for a small amount of blood and find a wizard with the same blood type. That way, the protection would still work, since the blood that Lily Potter nee Evans shared would have still been used. It was possible for Harry to have lived a decent childhood if Dumbledore was willing to think more technically. After all, the Bond of Blood didn't require the one taking Harry in to give consent on the matter.

But he was getting ahead of himself. These thoughts were just starting to come to him in recent times, when he realized that for all of its power, the Blood Bond still had limits. He had completely forgotten to take into account that the spell would break if Harry no longer saw Number 4 Privet Drive as his home, which he must have done so while at Hogwarts.

Were he a better man, Dumbledore would have resigned in shame and saw to it that the Dursleys were brought to justice. Unfortunately, Dumbledore had the decency to admit – at least to himself – that he was not all that good.

He had ulterior motives for sending Harry there, motives that he knew would have McGonagall hexing him the moment she knew the truth.

Entering Gringotts Bank, Dumbledore took in the magnificent hallway. Goblins certainly had a way with decorating; if nothing else, they deserved credit for that. He walked up to the front desk at the end of the hallway, waiting patiently for a woman to finish up. When another goblin appeared, and guided the woman towards the tunnels, Dumbledore stepped forward.

"I wish to speak to someone about the Potters' Will bequeathed for the late Harry Potter."

The goblin, who had briefly focused on examining some coins in front of him before Dumbledore interrupted him, looked up with a snarl. Dumbledore took in the yellow-green skin, coupled with a pointed nose, traditionally long fingers and black hair. The signs of a rookie. Excellent.

"And why would one be interested in something meant for family only?"

"A simple matter I need to address." Dumbledore explained calmly. "Regarding if there are those mentioned receiving inheritance but have yet to get it."

"Then let the goblins will see to it that the recipients shall earn what they were meant to."

"If I could simply discuss this, Great Goblin," Dumbledore felt the honorific would at least mollify the one he was talking to and keep him from being thrown out, "As Headmaster of Hogwarts, I am acting _in locus parentis_ for all students. The least I can do for the late Harry Potter is ensure that all bequeathed to him is distributed among the remaining members of his family."

The goblin inhaled deeply through his nostrils. "Very well. I shall bring this up to Gumenx immediately."

"Thank you." Dumbledore smiled.

The goblin stepped down and exited to a door on the far left. Minutes passed before he returned with a plump-looking goblin with grey skin and silvery hair dressed in what Dumbledore knew to be dragonhide. The younger goblin averted Dumbledore's gaze while the older goblin he assumed was Gumenx briskly walked over to him.

"Name?" Gumenx said harshly.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore." He said, silently asking why his parent gave him so many names.

"Well Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore," Gumenx started, "could you explain to me why this _alkakhaar –_ "

The young goblin flinched at the tone.

" – came barging into my office regarding some will?"

"I only wished to glean information about the late Harry –"

Gumenx waved his hand dismissively. "I am aware of whom the will concerns! What I don't know is why _you_ need this information."

"As Headmaster of Hogwarts, my duty is to act _in locus parentis_ for any student left in my care. Therefore, it is within my duty to ensure that the late Potter's finances are taken care of and –"

"The Potter account is closed. Goodbye." Gumenx began walking away.

"W-what?" Dumbledore stared in shock.

"Mister Harry Potter never had a will made." Gumenx sneered at the old wizard. "The money that was left by his late parents has now been seized by Gringotts in light of his…tragic demise…"

 _What?_

"B-but, what about me?" Dumbledore asked. "Didn't the Potters mention me as the benefactor in the events that Harry would be killed?"

Gumenx frowned. "That would be the case…if you were ever in the will to begin with. The only other recipient mentioned was a Sirius Black. However, he is currently serving a life sentence in Azkaban, which means he has forfeited his rights to the inheritance offered. In the events he is released – which he won't be – then Gringotts will grant him the inheritance owed to him accordingly."

 _No! All of my plans for naught!_ Dumbledore maintained his composure, drawing a wand in the Gringotts Bank for anything other than inspection would be treated as a hostile act.

"If I may ask, why am I not in the will?" He asked slowly.

Gumenx looked back at the younger goblin with a nasty grin and both of them shared a laugh. The younger goblin began to guide Dumbledore out while Gumenx said this while tears of mirth streamed down his face.

"What? You think just because you're Dumbledore that _every_ former student would include you in their wills? By Ragnuk, it's not always about you!"

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I have heard of this happening, and when I thought about it, my first question would be why Lily and James would put Dumbledore into their wills. They might have looked up to him, but unless he was very close to them in canon, then adding him to the will seems like an extreme to me.

From what I know about banking - which is little - accounts can be closed if someone is dead. The bank automatically seizes the late person's money and that's the end of it. Not sure about criminals and things regarding inheritance, either. Please forgive me if I am wrong and feel free to point me in the right direction for good info.

Another thing I wanted to point out is how the protection spell works. Theoretically, as far as I remember in the 7th book, Harry was told that the protection would break when he no longer saw Privet Drive as home. But he ran away in book 3, so wouldn't that have meant he no longer saw it as home? What about when he called Hogwarts his home? I really wanted to explore this concept in another idea I have in mind, but we'll see.

Hope you enjoyed!

In the writing world, I will see you.


	3. Dealing with Magical Cores

**Author's Note:** I just wanted to start off by saying this is not a series bashing Dumbledore…this is a series that is bashing the flanderdized version of Dumbledore that fangirls seem to love to write about so much.

 **Guest:** I think the difference between Snape and Marietta is that they were traitors for different reasons. Snape turned his back on Voldemort when he heard that Lily was targeted by him. He was still a nasty man and J.K. Rowling never said that he was a good man, just an anti-hero. Marietta turned her back on the DA – which she never wanted to be in the first place – when she could have just walked away from them back at day one. She could have left before the training started, but didn't. I think she might have stayed for Cho's sake, but there's no way of telling. She might have been frightened, but she could have told Cho that she didn't want to do it. I think Rowling wrote her like Peter, stabbing them in the backs when it looked like things were going down.

I think that is the difference Rowling was making. Pettigrew betrayed his friends and literally died by his own hand. Marietta betrayed Cho and the others and suffered with a mark of shame. A reminder that she chose – in Hermione's mind – the Ministry and therefore oppression over the opportunity to rise up. Hermione's charm was immature, but it was created by a fifteen year old. Of course, it would have been immature.

Snape betrayed the bad guys he joined up with. Peter and Marietta betrayed the good guys. That's the difference, I think. But I don't think Snape was really redeemed, Harry acknowledged that there was some decency in him in the end, but no one else said anything on the subject. And I personally don't mind Albus Potter having that as a middle name at all. Or to quote _Into the Woods_ : "Witches can be right, giants can be good. You decide what's right. You decide what's good." People can choose to be good or bad, and Snape chose good…sort of….still think he's a jerk and I cheered when he was chased out of the castle.

Don't worry about it too much, though. Probably not worth losing sleep over - coming from a guy staying up until 2 in the morning to publish this XD.

 **dnck:** Hermione's explanation of the Potion Defense in Book 1 sums up wizards in one sentence. They just don't have much logic to begin with. Why else would people believe anything that some reporter wrote about Harry, Hermione, or anyone else that she wanted to mess around with? Plus, he was making the best out of a bad situation and the others just had that kind of faith in him. If things were different, I bet Dumbledore would have chosen a better option. He personally admitted to hating the decision made in the end, even wanted the Dursleys to be decent people to him before ripping them a new one. Like Snape, Dumbledore is meant to be a flawed person. Not perfect by any means. I like to think of him as an anti-hero like Snape, only a slightly lighter shade of gray.

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Did we ever learn about how the concept of magic works in the Wizardry World? If not, all rights to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.

* * *

 _This is bad!_ Dumbledore thought. _Utterly bad._

Harry had just demonstrated an incredible display of wandless magic against a mountain troll, lying unconscious on the floor. His friend, Ronald Weasley looked on in amazement.

"Bloody hell, Harry." He whispered. "That was bloody amazing!"

 _Harry isn't supposed to be doing stuff like this! His magic is too powerful. I must erase his memory of the incident and bind his magical core._

Hermione saw Dumbledore pull out his wand, a frown etched onto her face. "Headmaster, what are you doing?"

"Nothing to worry about, Miss Granger. In fact, it will be like this whole thing never happened."

Ron looked at him suspiciously. "What do you mean 'like it never happened'?"

"Simply that, Mister Weasley."

"Harry, Hermione, run!"

Ron barely got the words out when Dumbledore immobilized all three of them with Body-Bind Curses. Miverva came strolling in, taking in the sight of the mountain troll on the ground, and then to the first year students having their memories changed.

"Albus, what are you doing?"

"It is for the Greater Good, Minerva, I assure you." Dumbledore said before he pointed his wand at Harry. "And now for the core…"

"WHAT CORE?!"

"The magical core, Minerva, what else? I must bind it." Dumbledore quickly pointed his wand at her, not registering the red stream of light hitting his back until it was too late. Before blacking out, he realized that any sane person would have attacked if someone they identified as a colleague would outright point their wand at them threateningly.

* * *

What felt like moments later, he woke up, his limbs frozen and his wand gone. He looked up at the ceiling and saw that he was in the Hospital Wing. That was when the painful cramping occurred. Dumbledore panicked, forgetting that he needed to have his drink every hour.

Then, he heard Minerva speaking.

"He was using Memory Charms on the students – thank goodness they aren't harmed otherwise – and then started going on about Mister Potter's 'magical core', whatever in heavens that could be."

"I am surprised that he was able to get as far as the girls' bathroom to begin with." He heard his voice, his blood running ice cold. He heard movement near him. "Ah, I believe our guest is awake now. Is his wand with him?"

"Of course not, Albus, that would have been stupid to leave it with an intruder. First a troll, now this imposter! What next, dragons?!"

" _No scorch marks, usually they're linked._ " Albus Dumbledore said. He looked over to him, no twinkling in his eyes. "Now, who might you be? Severus, the Veritaserum."

"Yes, Headmaster." Severus Snape loomed over him with a small bottle, prying his mouth open and tilting the potion so that three drops would fall in.

"And now…" A red light and he could move his mouth again. "Are you Albus Percival Wulfric Brian –"

"No, just don't say all those names!" He snapped.

"Then who are you?"

His mouth moved against his will. "I am Quirinus Quirrell."

"Quirrell?!" Minerva looked at him in shock. "Why?"

"Under the orders of Lord Voldemort, who is living in the back of my head and currently plotting my demise for the painful transformation I put him through just to get to Harry Potter."

Snape scoffed. "If you truly have the Dark Lord living on the back of you – wait, what?"

His eyes widened as the words sunk in.

"I was attempting to seal Harry Potter's magical core before Minerva intervened. I erased his memories of the occurrence in case he would attempt to break free of the binding, along with his two cohorts."

"You lost me at magical core…" Snape said in a flat tone. "There is no such thing as that."

He looked at Dumbledore, as if wanting to say that _he_ should have been made Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this term instead of Quirrell. Dumbledore ignored him.

"He also said he was doing it for the Greater Good, Albus." Minerva added. "How did he get some of your hair?"

"Bathroom." Quirrell said. "It was the hairs from his -"

"I don't want to know!"

His mouth moved to finish the answer, but no sound came out.

Dumbledore shook his head. "Oh, Tom. Why would you ever expect me to say something that ridiculous?"

"You did say 'nitwit, blubbery, oddment, and tweak' for the Opening Feast, Albus." Minerva said in a dry voice. "So, I suppose our troublemaker could be excused for saying something that ridiculous in the first place."

Quirrell felt his master's presence overcome him and knew nothing more again. Until he woke up and found himself on fire...somehow. He blamed it on the fiery chicken that came out of nowhere.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Where did anyone get the idea of magical cores in the first place? Never heard a single mention of them in the books. Also took inspiration from _One Misfired Spell Later_ , where Dumbledore erased the memories of Harry, Ron, and Hermione, along with the other teachers present, before binding Harry's magical core. My biggest question would be why didn't any of the teachers try stopping the old man from using a Memory Charm on them in the first place.


	4. Potter Twins

**Author's Note:** _Cricket chirping._ Was the previous chapter not to your tastes? Or was it because I posted so early last time? What is the best time to post chapters for fics? Could you guys let me know in the reviews so I can do better next time?

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Did Hagrid get mad at people for mocking Dumbledore, even when they might have had a point? If so, then all rights to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. If not, then tell Hagrid that I loved the cake he made for Harry in the first movie, it looked delicious!

* * *

Dumbledore looked at Lily and James, both of their wands pointed at him.

"I'm going to ask you again: Where. Is. Our. Baby?" James growled.

"Number 4, Privet Drive." Albus said calmly. "He isn't the Boy Who Lived –"

"I DON'T CARE!" James screamed at the top of his lungs. "HE'S OUR SON, TOO! DANNY'S BEEN CRYING HIS EYES OUT EVER SINCE HARRY'S BEEN MISSING!"

"And where is the real Boy Who Lived at the moment?" Dumbledore dared to ask. In response, Lily fired a blue jet of light from her wand which was blocked by a Shield Charm. He had expected, or at least hoped, that the Potters wouldn't have minded if their other, unimportant son was sent away. He made peace with the idea himself, thinking that it would have been for the best if the twins were separated from one another. Worst case scenario, Harry would be mistaken for Danny and be killed, giving his brother more time to deal with the Dark Lord.

He felt two strong arms wrap around his body, pinning his limbs together while his wand was ripped from his grasp. He tried calling out to Fawkes, but the phoenix didn't appear. Strange, Fawkes could Apparate and Disapparate within places regardless of Anti-Apparation Wards. Was it possible that his beloved pet had abandoned him in light of this injustice?

"I'm going to get him, James, I'll be right back." Lily embraced her husband and vanished with a small _pop!_ Several minutes later, she reappeared and was keeping her wand pointed at a skinny, blonde woman that had the face of a horse.

"Where's Harry?" James whispered frantically at Lily. "You said you were going to get our son!"

"I couldn't Apparate with him, I was afraid he would have Splinched with my nerves and no experience. Mrs. Figg swore to keep an eye on him while we straightened things out with my sister and this _idiot!_ "

Her glare made Dumbledore think of Aberforth at their sister's funeral, right before he punched him hard enough to break his nose. Would Lily do the same with him? Or would she aim lower and prevent him from having children – not that he intended to have any, love was something he feared would bring disaster upon him. For a moment, he wondered how Hagrid would be dealing with the fallout, he was the one who delivered Harry to Privet Drive on Dumbledore's orders after all.

"I can' believe you tol' me ta do that, Dumbledore!" Sweet Merlin, he was going to die. He was going to die and forever be known as the Man Who Needed to Get a Life and Ended Up Kidnapping Children Instead. Hagrid was in front of him, pointing his pink umbrella at him while fat tears fell down his face. "You said tha' Harry needed to be brought somewhere safe and Lily an' James hound me for _kidnappin'_ the poor tyke! What is wrong with you?!"

"Many things, Hagrid, but that's not related to the discussion I appear to be having against my will." Dumbledore said calmly. He looked towards the Potters. "If we could simply drop this matter and forget it ever happened –?"

"No."

"I was afraid that would be the case…" Dumbledore said sadly. He looked at Petunia Dursely. "Hello Petunia."

"Shove off, you crazy bat freak!" For once, Hagrid ignored the blight against the Headmaster – or former, if Dumbledore's assumptions were correct.

"I believe you have me mistaken for someone else from the Americas."

"You dumped one of my nephews on my doorstep and you thought that I'd just _keep_ him?!" Petunia screeched. She turned to look at Lily. "And you! Where do you get off taking me from my home, turning Vernon into a slug and leaving my Diddykins alone when he needs feeding?!"

Lily counted off with her fingers. "One: You were threatening my son. Two: I couldn't turn your husband into a pig because it would have left a bigger mess and possibly try eating one of the babies. Three: You just saw me leave your son with Mrs. Figg and told her to look after him, so your _Diddykins_ is fine."

"Did you think we _wouldn't_ go after you the moment we saw Harry was missing?" James glared at Dumbledore.

"Yes."

A loud BANG! and then Dumbledore found that his crooked nose was in even worse shape than previous. James and Hagrid hauled him away to the Aurors for questioning.

Two minutes later, Mrs. Figg came through the Floo Network carrying two screaming infants, harried and desperate for peace and quiet.

"Are you almost finished, these kids are driving me crazier than Mister Tibbs on Bath Day!"

 **Author's Note:** I can see the problems Silently Watches had with Hagrid, his accent is thick. I feel like I did him a justice, though, regarding his speech. Here is your mandatory Twin!Potters reference, people. Be sure to let me know what other evil!Dumbledore clichés you'd like me to bash in the reviews.

In the wring world, I will see you!


	5. Lordships and Pregnancies

**Author's Note:** Thank you all for the reviews. These chapters are definitely going to be short ones, nothing to expand upon story wise. Feel free to let me know what kinds of evil!Dumbledore cliches you want to be mocked on here. Enjoy and don't forget to review!

* * *

 **Disclaimer** : Did we ever learn how the social class really worked in the Wizarding World aside from the Pureblood/Muggleborn conflict? If not, then all rights to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. If the social structure was in fact described in subtle detail, then all rights still belong to those mentioned above.

* * *

Minerva frowned at the documents that Dumbledore had just presented to her. Each of them had Harry James Potter written as the heir to each of the names and possessions listed. And if she was examining them correctly, it appeared as though the ink was just added recently.

"Albus, why have you been withholding this information from Mr. Potter?"

"Because, Minerva," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "He is not ready for the power that has been granted to him. He will take his position as Lord Potter in due time."

"No, Albus, that is not what I meant." Minerva said tartly. "I am asking why you have these documents when they are pure forgeries? And why are you showing me these in the first place?"

Dumbledore blinked. "Pardon?"

"Lord Potter? Albus, we don't have Lord titles in our world, you know it!" Minerva raised an eyebrow. She held up one of the documents with her left hand, holding it from the top so that Dumbledore could read the parchment to its entirety. "And what is this about having a seat on the Wizengamot?! Our social system might be bad, but we certainly do not inherit seats in the government that easily! You have to be selected, you yourself went through this process long ago if I remember correctly. And…are these marriage contracts?! Albus, these are illegal now! Especially having more than one marriage in our society."

"This is for the Greater Good and to ensure that he remains under my control." Albus said in a not-evil-not-not-evil grin.

Minerva fumed. "So, what you're implying is that by holding these documents which would never hold up against scrutiny against an official, you are manipulating Harry for some odd reason?"

"Yes." Albus said bluntly.

She sighed. "You do realize that you technically have nothing to hold against Harry's head and that you have just given me evidence that you are attempting blackmail, correct?"

"Yes."

"Dumbledore, I also wanted to bring up to you that Mr. Malfoy has been made pregnant by Mr. Potter, should I inform their families of this incident and learn when and how two men got pregnant in the first place?"

"Yes." Albus' expression seemed to have glazed over, ignoring the wand poking his half-moon spectacles several moments later. Minerva sighed, levitated the documents away from the desk she was sitting at and ignited them with little remorse. As the conjured flames licked the parchment in mid-air, she looked over to Fawkes, who seemed to be crooning in sympathy.

"How in Merlin's name do you put up with this fool?!" She demanded of the phoenix. In response, Fawkes squawked and vanished in a burst of bright flames.

"What do you mean Draco is pregnant with Harry's child?!" She jumped at Albus' cry, seeing the old man look at her as though she had just confessed to making love to a Banshee in front of first year students and Fluffy.

Minerva stared at him. "Tell me, Albus, exactly how much Befuddlement Draught and Babbling Beverage did you intake within the past three hours that we spoke to one another?!"

"The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things…" Dumbledore began rambling, the rhyme lost on her. Minerva placed her hands on her head and groaned. She needed to contact Poppy immediately.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Why does the fandom love mentioning Lord and Lady titles? And inheriting seats on the Wizengamot? If seats were inherited, then why didn't we see Arthur and Molly sitting with the entire council during Harry's trial in the 5th book. And don't say "because they are classified as blood traitors," please. And marriage contracts; I have read those summaries before and avoided the stories within like the plague. The only harem stories I will tolerate are **Faery Heroes** by **Silently Watches** and **Pokemon Reset Bloodlines** by **Crossoverpairinglover**. The harem aspect isn't focused on that much and I find them enjoyable. They also mange to give good reasons for why they happen.

 **Princess of the Blacks** series uses this cliche, but I don't mind it that much. Just something to sigh about. Dumbledore shouldn't even be able to hold those documents, acting _in locus parentis_ or not.

Male pregnancies...do I even have to say it? And evil!idiot!Dumbledore, a character that is the Greatest Sorcerer Who Ever Lived in-name only. Being outsmarted by a teenager, really?! What makes or break the story is ultimately the villain. Make them too hateful and you lose focus in the story. Make them too sympathetic and _still_ set them up as being wrong, and you'll wonder what the heroes are snorting up their noses. Make them too stupid and you'll be asking yourself why bother?

In the writing world, I will see you!


	6. Evil Alert

**Author's Note:** Thank you for another suggestion, **Reviledpembroke** , I just need to figure out how to make it funny. Kind of how _Bad Idea_ became a Drama/Humor fic instead of outright humor. Also, no other reviews? Was it timing? What is the best time to post a new chapter? Please tell me, I'd like to know for future reference.

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Did Dumbledore ever suspect that leaving Harry in an abusive environment might make him turn out _exactly_ like Voldemort, a Muggle hater calling for ethnic cleansing? If not, all rights to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. If he did, then the rights still belong to the people mentioned above and Dumbledore ought to be ashamed of himself for not doing anything about it and be forced to wear the Ponytail of Shame.

* * *

When the Quill of Acceptance wrote down Harry's name in the registration book, Dumbledore knew that he was safe. When Minerva sent an owl to the Boy Who Lived, she was hopeful. When the owl didn't return at all that night, they both assumed that the owl might have gotten hurt. Three days later, the owl _did_ return, but from its hooting and plucked feathers, it was not a pleasant journey. She was too busy arguing with Dumbledore about what happened to notice what it held in its beak.

"Perhaps an animal got to it." Dumbledore suggested as it was just implied that the Dursleys may have attacked the owl.

"It could have been those Muggles…" Minerva countered curtly. "He was better off somewhere else; fame and ego be damned."

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "Why Minerva, if you were so worried about young Harry, then why didn't you just check up on him?"

Minerva sputtered. "I…I... assumed you wouldn't want me to, Albus."

"My dear Minerva, never assume what you never ask to begin with." For a moment, she thought he was suddenly going to offer her a lemon drop out of nowhere. But then she realized that Albus only offered her a lemon drop once, that fateful and regretful night, so why would that mean he made a habit out of offering people lemon drops in the first place? When she saw the twinkle in Albus' eye – _that_ part she was certain to be a common thing – Minerva just sighed when she saw him holding up a letter with Harry's name on the envelope. He ripped open the white piece of paper and pulled out a sheet with lines written on it.

"It appears Mister Potter has accepted the offer to join Hogwarts, Minerva. When he arrives this September, he shall be among his peers."

"Perhaps you could explain the frightened owl that appears to have been nearly turned into a roasted pheasant?" Minerva pointed to the shaking owl being administered to by Fawkes, the phoenix tears renewing the skin and encouraging new feathers to grow.

"A simple wrong turn could lead to disaster, Minerva, you should know that by now?"

* * *

When Minerva left his office, Dumbledore sagged into his chair while Fawkes sang softly to lift his spirits. _This is according to plan, right?_ He thought. Harry was supposed to be meek and humble by the time he would come to Hogwarts, but he was starting to suspect several things were off. For starters, the ink used for the reply was red and smelled a lot like blood. Not to mention, Petunia nor her husband bothered sending a reply themselves. And then there was the owl. He took one look at it, sitting on his desk as if flying would bring about its death.

 _He is already showing signs of independence by writing the letter alone._ He frowned. _If Harry truly is the Chosen One, then he must be ready to lay down his life, not think for himself. If the Power the Dark Lord knows not is Love, then this is clearly the opposite_.

His hand reached for a quill; contacting Harry for a chat might be a good opportunity to evaluate the boy's development. If anything appeared to be off, then there was nothing that a Memory Charm couldn't fix. It might even give Dumbledore the chance to mold Harry into the Chosen One he was meant to be.

 _No._ He decided not. _This could mean anything. Responding by yourself at the age of eleven isn't the end of the world! He might have just wanted to. I'll wait. He may still be the Chosen One we need. Or perhaps Neville Longbottom will be the one, he may hopefully have the power to stop Voldemort._

* * *

The students chattered in the Great Hall, waiting for the first years to arrive so that the Sorting Ceremony would begin. Dumbledore was thankful that the water pitchers were filled. A parched throat did drive one crazy.

"He is coming, I know he is." He muttered to himself.

"Who is, Headmaster?" Snape looked at him suspiciously.

"Harry Potter." He replied.

Snape snarled. "The arrogant Potters have come to plague this school again? And you expect me to –"

"Lily's eyes." Dumbledore said quickly. Snape shut his mouth.

He thought that there would be silence until the first years came in until Snape spoke again.

"Why do you sound so uncertain, if you mind me asking?"

"The prophesy that you listened to before being thrown out, it mentioned 'powers that the Dark Lord knows not.' I assumed it would be love and placed him with, as Minerva has stated, Muggles who hate magic. And now I am suspecting that something might have gotten wrong in my plan."

"You assumed that placing him in an abusive environment would turn him into a sacrificial piece dedicated towards _love_?" Snape asked incredulously. "I grew up in one and you don't see me being submissive and kinky for pain, do you, Albus?"

Snape! He completely forgot about the man and his background! Why didn't he take that into consideration?! Perhaps he could have sent Harry to live with him instead…no wait, that's just idiotic.

"And for the record, Albus, this 'prophesy' you believe Potter is connected to never mentioned 'submissiveness', _did it_?" There was so much venom in that voice, Albus could have sword that Snape's Animagus was a cobra. What made things worse was that he did appear to have a point, but 'neither can live while the other survives'. Albus thought that meant if Harry died, then Voldemort would as well.

Then again…that prophesy wasn't exactly clear on the last bit… Maybe he should have examined that prophesy more closely…?

Looking at the first year students coming in, Dumbledore felt that sense of dread rising. He had subjected a child to the same treatment that his sister received, but didn't have the magical or traumatic issues that kept her meek. He scanned the crowd of black, trying to pick up a trace of a lightning bolt scar and _felt_ it. Something horrible…something…dark.

But not the dark that was capitalized for some odd reason, he never emphasized the word like that. Not including the fact that it comes off being racist to some people, as a former student had let him know with a fist in the face that damaged his nose again.

No. Think happy thoughts. Like a good Wizarding world, Muggle and Wizard children playing together in peace, Malfoy in leather pants – sweet _Merlin_ , that sounded disgusting! Why would he fanaticize about Lucius Malfoy in such an attire as that?! And what if he started imagining his son like that in a few ye – no! no! no! no! NO! Bad Albus! Bad, bad Albus!

He finally saw a lightning bolt scar as the dark grew closer. There were a few students around him trying to give the boy a wide girth and as Harry Potter grew closer, Dumbledore could begin to understand why. Those green eyes – Lily's eyes – were filled with hate and contempt. His face was pale and clearly nobody was questioning _why_ a creepy child that several other children were afraid of was in a school that Albus suspected wasn't exactly as safe as he had hoped it would be.

The lightning cackled in the background, clearly Harry had decided to use the Lightning Summoning Spell for this occasion. Well played.

* * *

The Sorting Ceremony and Opening Feast concluded, Dumbledore waited until all of the students were sent to their dorms before summoning Fawkes.

"We have a small problem…" Albus said gravely. "I screwed up and now we have to stop a Dark Lord in the making that _I_ am responsible for creating from joining another Dark Lord and destroying life as we know it before the cock crows."

Fawkes blinked and squawked, but did nothing.

"Fawkes, I need you to go to the Ravenclaw Common Room and get Harry James Potter from his bed – yes, I know he should be in Slytherin, but apparently he doesn't want to be obviously evil - bring him here, and make sure that the bed doesn't burst into flames while doing so. This is a matter of life and death and why are you looking at me like I'm a lunatic?"

Fawkes stared and vanished in a burst of flames. Dumbledore leaned back and sighed; how could everything fall apart that quickly? Minerva was right, those Dursleys destroyed the Boy Who Lived and turned him into something dark from the abuse.

Well he just wasn't going to wait around, bemoaning that he had lost someone to Dark Magic! He can simply just do something about it before anyone suffered for his mistakes. Again.

Fire burst again and Dumbledore stared at the crumbled form of Fawkes, Stunned. He felt the presence and looked up just in time to have his wand yanked out of his robes and into the enemy hands.

"You made my life a living hell. And for what, _the Greater Good?!_ "

Dumbledore braced himself for the worst.

"What are you going to do to me?" He asked quietly.

Harry's lips curved into a tight grin. "I'm going to do to you what I did to the Dursleys…"

* * *

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP IT! STOP THIS HELL YOU'RE PUTTING US THROUGH!" Petunia shrieked as the torture continued.

"But Auntie," Harry whined. "we haven't even gotten to the best part. You need to wait like a good Auntie with your walrus husband and pig son."

Albus Dumbledore, wandless, Fawkes-less, _helpless_ , stared at Harry as he pointed a brown wand – walnut, if he could recognize the wood – at a fat man stripped down to his underwear with two thin white cones that he supposed were meant to be tusks. He pointed his wand at the man and laughed maniacally as a paddle appeared out of nowhere and began whacking the man from behind.

"Remember, walrus, your safety word is 'I Believe In Fairies!' And you also have to clap your hands three times."

"But my – OW! – hands are – OW! – shackled! OW!"

Harry frowned. "No. Bad walrus! We don't make excuses for our failures, do we?"

He turned to a smaller boy that was forced to wear a pig's costume. "What about you, Pig, do you want some lunch?"

The fat boy shook his head rapidly, even as a trough appeared out of nowhere filled with a mixture of rotten and half-eaten food.

"Please, don't!"

Harry sighed. "Always have to make me feel guilty, don't you...you'll just have to do college level Maths instead."

"No! Anything but that! I'll eat the food! Please, anything but Maths!" The boy screamed as his pig outfit was replaced with a school uniform with his feet shackled to a desk appearing out of nowhere. A large pile of papers was sitting there, waiting.

"Now for the best part, Auntie!" Harry grinned while Dumbledore gulped, the boy advancing towards him. He pointed his wand at him and –

Dumbledore looked at his untied hands to see that they had become hooves. A loud braying noise from where Petunia was strapped to the table, he turned to see a horse with a blonde mane being unstrapped, the bones mended from where they were broken.

"Forgot that your legs wouldn't be as flexible in horse form." Harry muttered. "Now, where were we? Walrus?"

"I BELIEVE IN FUCKING FARIES, STOP THIS NOW!"

"Sorry walrus, can't do that."

"WHY?!"

"Because you didn't use the safety word like I said to. And you didn't clap your hands three times. So clearly, you want the spanking to continue."

"NO I DON'T!"

"Yes, you do, you naughty walrus."

"GAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Okay horsies, you have each other for company. Have fun and be sure not to overdo it in front of Pig. Don't worry, Auntie, you know you think you're people now. I made sure of that. Be gentle with her, Goat. It's her first time."

The braying continued as Dumbledore walked on his hooves, baaing a few times in an attempt to call for Fawkes. But his mind quickly drifted from thoughts of his phoenix and towards the attractive horse with the strange mane. He strutted towards it, going into a trot as it began to gallop in the small space in front of some person by a desk. The horse reared her legs up and collapsed onto the ground.

Dumbledore trotted in front of it and waited. He was ready to mate and this horse looked perfect.

* * *

Dumbledore shuddered awake from the nightmare. For some reason, he had a feeling that he wasn't the only one who suffered. Somewhere in the Gryffindor Boys Dormitory for sixth years, Harry James Potter woke up laughing out loud, the image of Vernon being spanked and Petunia being turned into a horse was something he hoped he would never forget.

* * *

Petunia screeched so loud that the glass shattered.

"Tuny?" Vernon mumbled in his half-awake state. "Tuny, what's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare that I was a horse and had sex with a goat! And you were into BDSM, and Diddykins was put into the cutest pig outfit I could think of."

Vernon stared at her. "…what."

 **Author's Note:** If I hadn't thought of making the torture scene ridiculous, it would have been a bad cliche. Has anyone ever thought of turning Petunia into a horse to go with her features? Anyone? Also, if Dumbledore were so concerned about Harry becoming 'Dark', then why wouldn't he do anything to stop it before things got out of hand in the evil!Dumbledore fics?

The concept of Harry becoming a martyr from the abuse, I got from **Faery Heroes** , by **Silently Watches.** The main problem with Dumbledore's plan in that is that he doesn't expect Harry to snap from the abuse or go back in time with his two girlfriends with the knowledge that he _has_ screwed up his life to fit a role that never really implied sacrifice to begin with.

Also, I chose walnut for the wand core based on the traits that would go with an evil!Harry. I don't understand why everyone thinks he will always get the holly and phoenix feather, he could get another wand that fit his changed personality and still apply for quests. Maybe the Hawthorn wand for healing and the implication of being able to use Dark magic?

Please review!

In the writing world, I will see you!


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